Day after day

11 August, Friday
9:06 pm

Hey
So, idk what’s happening. Actually, I do know. I’m procrastinating. Big time. Now, I’ve been watching ‘She was pretty'(a South Korean tv series) since morning. Since I woke up. At 8:30-9.
Ahh, okay. Calm down. And I’ve gained a few kilos, again. Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay, so someone I know (sort of), got into something he had always desired. Wow. He just kept on and on and on. And he got through. I’m still.. wow. After so many attempts.

It’s 10:15 now. Was having dinner.
Anyway, getting a job is the best bet for me. I just can’t stay at home and prepare for something (an exam), because I procrastinate a lot.. and usually end up doing last minute preparations. Aishhhhh (something like what they say in those korean serials)

Okay. Bbye

_______________________________________________________
8 August, Tuesday
8:43 pm

It’s seems like day after day after day.
I know, I’m not supposed to be like this.

You know, I’m on episode 8 of The Handmaid’s Tale.. been watching it since afternoon. I have an exam on 21st. Ha. And I’ve already given up.
_________________________________________________________

We all get over, eventually

3 August, Thursday
10:26 pm

Hey

  • I remember you
  • And while we were here
  • Lost in translation
  • The exploding girl
  • Brooklyn

A few movies I saw today and yesterday. Because I was sad. After what happened on Tuesday.
I’m watching Brooklyn atm. It’s nice. Interesting.
So, rn she’s back in Brooklyn.
She’d soon be torn between the two, won’t she?

Why is she keeping all his letters away in the drawer? Why Eilis, why!?
Oh god, did I tell you I absolutely loveeeee Domhnall Gleeson. So, the first I saw him was in one episode of Black Mirror. And then Ex Machina. Till then, I didn’t even know who he was. Then About Time, and I finally realised who he was, who he is.

He said ‘Better, even, maybe’.. awww. Sigh, but the good ol’ Italian fella.
So, now she’s going back to America. Uh uh. ‘Someone who’s only yours and you’ll realise that this is where your life is’. Oh, so that’s the end. But but her mom. It was a calm and sweet movie. Brooklyn.

I’m sad. It’s all a sham, isn’t it

1 August, Tuesday
7:44 pm

I’m not thrilled or happy. I’m just sad. It’s like I feel nothing atm.
Yeah, I didn’t clear the interview. Uhhhhhhh

And I missed the classes on the weekend. Ha. What did you achieve? Nada
I feel empty. Bare. Just nothing.

You know when the first round was over, I was furiously revising stuff. And somewhere when we all were waiting, I just had this feeling. You know, this intense feeling that said I ain’t getting through this time. And I kind of knew.

Ha. I’m just a mere candidate for them. I’m good, I match their requirements, I’m in. If not, they don’t give a shit.  I’m just another fuckin’ candidate for them.
Aaaaaaaa

No one’s to blame, is it so?
Little B is sitting beside me. I love her ❤
Such beautiful creatures. Little doggos.

Okay. Enough with my sob story.
Byebye

What does the future hold

31 July, Monday
00: 41 (am ofc)

Hey
So, I have an interview tomorrow. Let’s see how it goes.
I do ,I think, want to get through and clear the interview. Yes. Okay, so.. baaki I’ll leave up to God (the universe or fate).
I’ll prepare do my best, whatever can be done from my side.
Atm I’m curious as to what’d happen in the future. Sincerely I am.

Alright, I’ll tell you what I’m feeling atm. Well, it’s a bit of both. Anything can be possible until the moment actually happens. When all the probable possibilities converge into a singularity (I know that’s not what singularity is.. what I meant was the sole reality, the one and only single reality that eventually comes to fruition from so many what ifs)

*Deep breath*

You’ll be fine. Just give the interview. Yes.
Phew

Bbye  🙂

I feel weird

6 July, Thursday
9:50 pm

My life. Ha.

Meanwhile watching ‘A Silent Voice’.
*after sometime* crying and crying.. Shokoooo

The movie ended :’)

People. Happiness. People

You know, when I started writing this post I had some other thing in mind. But.. yeah I was watching this movie. Engrossing.

What will you do? What are you doing with your life? Just wth are you fuckin’ doing?
Hmmm. Directionless. Can’t just get down to doing one thing, can you? What will you do? What are you doing?

I don’t know where from and how should I start? What is it even that I should start? That I should be doing?

And after coming back from the class, I didn’t even open my book. And as for the exam (that could lead to a potential job) next month, I’ve just given up. I just give up so easily always, don’t I?

I used to be really bad at studies till 4th standard. Started improving in 5th. The graph went upward from then. Performed well, really well in 10th. Then didn’t study much. Even in the final year, whose result is supposed to be really important to get admission, and even otherwise, it’s like a landmark sort of thing in your life. Well, I didn’t study much and scored alright, not extremely well.

Then in university first year, didn’t do all that well. Second year onward, once again, the graph was upward. When I look back now, I didn’t really make much memories. Time just went by.

And right now, well, time’s passing by right now too. But am I really moving forward?

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’ll ttyl
See ya
(oh and btw it’s past midnight)

 

It feels empty, idk maybe

25 May, Thursday
10:25 pm

Um.. so, yeah college ended. I’m okay. Not sad. Not particularly happy. But it just feels empty, well sorta. And very very tired.

You know, I’ve realised one thing, people just click. You really can’t force friendships. Nuh uh. They just happen. It’s spontaneous. Or is it?

You really can’t make people fall in love with you too. If it has to happen, it will.. is that how it is so?
I do think a lot. About random innocuous stuff.

I had quite a few things going through my head, earlier in the day. But nothing much now.

___________________________________________

and it’s 26 May, 11:40 pm

anyway, yes, I wanted to talk about the remembering stuff, remember? 😛

I don’t remember it all. I think I’ve been forgetting it, day by day. What’s already happened, I remember little.

It’s a scary thought. I don’t remember what others do. It’s like it never happened, but it did.

Okay, I’ll talk about it later.
Just that

See ya 😀

Haha, you’ll laugh (not certainly though)

22:44
18/04/17
and yes, it’s Tuesday ❤ (not that I particularly love Tuesdays more than the other days, it just is)

Does your favourite song define you?
I have a song, not favourite per se. But it just is my song. The particular song, it's like a pretty little secret. I wouldn't want to tell anyone about it. It's just my song. Wouldn't want to share it (idc). Because I absolutely love that song. Truly. It's a beauty. Yup.
I'm listening to it rn. And yes, it's on repeat.

The music. The beats. Everything. I love you, yes, I love you song.
You're just my kind. Like, you'd fit perfectly. And we vibe (talking about the song). Lot's of love your way, song. Thank you for being so kind and coming my way. Letting me know you. Muaaahhhh

Okay

So, the other thing. Ain't no more going for the job I had mentioned earlier.

I'm at peace now. I don't feel like explaining the whole situation. But this decision, it's like a pit stop. I'm refueling and I'll leave everyone behind (only the ones in the race). Is it even a race? No. I hope not.
It's just a journey. A fabulous unfolding. It's the lovely seaside home in a scenic tranquil quaint town. Yup. It's that and so much more.

To a life of no regrets.

To a life of autonomy, lovely people, scrumptious meals, long drives, long runs, feeling the soft breeze on my face, gentle warmth of the sun, long walks, happy conversations, coffee and conversations, looking up into the sky full of stars and dogs (all dogs are love) and so much more.
To kindness
To loveliness
To goodness
To all ❤