No sleep

17 October, Tuesday
2:03 am

Yep. Couldn’t sleep.
There were some things going through my head. And I was just thinking and thinking. So, I thought why not just jot it down (and maybe get it all over with).
It’s 3:21 am. I started editing something. Now I’m sleepy. Legit
Goodnight
ttyl ❤

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I’m not myself (it’s a song btw)

13 October, Friday
11:06 pm

Hey
Last night, I found some long lost songs. Oh how good it felt to hear them again. Listening to some music rn too. Music is my.. haven (?).. refuge, yes. It’s a safe place.
Well, I think I’ll get going. I wanted to talk a bit. About my life and other things. But idk, seems like it has sorta vapourised.
Okay, remember, don’t go there again. Alright. It gets you nowhere. *deep breath*
You’re fine.

Okay then
Will talk to you later
About the mess and how it can be sorted. Bit by bit.
see ya ❤

eh

21 September, Thursday
2:06 pm

Anyway, it’s 2:37 pm.
Eh
So, have a little cousin over. Kids. Ask so many questions. And I’ve noticed he gets bored v v easily. Short attention span.

So, over to my life. Since quite some time, I’ve been saying that it’s a mess. It seems so. Maybe, it truly is. I need to take a broom and declutter it.

I’m doing masters. In technology. In a subject I don’t like the least bit. From the same college I did my bachelors from. I hate every minute of it. Maybe hate’s too strong a word. But I just don’t like it, not even the least bit.

Idk, it just feels like I’m in a suspended state. Lost. Adrift.
what should I do?

should I let things happen or should I make things happen?
should I swim towards the shore or should I let the waves take me wherever?

you know, I’ve been sleeping in the afternoons more, more than usual. that’s what happens when I’m feeling down. so, it happens when I’m not engaged in something meaningful, or just busy with something. like, I won’t have time to feel sad or whatever it is that  I feel when I have exams going on. it’s anxiety and looming darkness what I feel before and during exams.

I feel like I should just write you know pen and paper kind, see you soon then
love ya ❤

Just about the same sitch

7 September, Thursday
2:47 am

Okay. So, minors from Monday. Despite the fact that I’m done with grad. All bc I’m now doing post grad, I have to give the frggin minors and majors.
And I just finished writing down the class notes an hour ago or so. I grandly wasted more time than working on the notes. Ha. Not a new thing for you, is it? (I’m talking to myself)
Yet to start studying.

I had never imagined that I’d be studying the same thing only a little more complex again. I did and I still do want to do MBA. But what am I doing rn. Anyway, let this minor exams get over. I’ll apply at a few startups and off I go.

I should sleep now. Btw I didn’t go running yesterday.
My table is a mess. I’ll clean it in the morning now.

I’m solely to blame for the mess my life has become, isn’t it. Like a pendulum, always vacillating. Even after taking a decision, I’d keep thinking what if I had chosen the other option.
You know in my life, more than what I’ve done it’s about what I haven’t done. The decisions not taken, opportunities left untouched; not having taken too many chances or just plain right not doing anything.

Paralysis of analysis.

Okay, sleepy sleepy now. See ya ❤
It's 3 now btw

I ran 1 km!

6 September
00:43 am

Hey!
I ran and walked (walked more) 1.1 km last evening.

Okay then
See you soon
P.S: wth, how can that person be so good, like intense and smart and cute, and smart, good with words and  a fairly good photographer.. ugh.. would the person ever reply, eh.. idc now.. we’re just two people existing in the same time and space, maybe never to meet (we might meet one day, I hope).. we do share one more thing.. mhmm, it’s all cool 🙂