someone?

15 July, Sunday
1:40 am

It’s like I’ve just given up. And lost myself to lies. I don’t know what am I even doing anymore. I’m living but it’s a pretence. No one else can help me, can someone?

I have no purpose, no meaning to do something to do anything. I feel empty. It feels empty and lonely.
I have been sleeping away the days, and wandering the (metaphoric) alleys at night.
I need something to hold me down, someone to hold my hand and guide me.

Like people drink away their problems I think I sleep away my problems. Because when I’m asleep there’s nothing. No me, no life, no world, nothing exists then.

see you then
universe, be kind

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again

10 June ’18, Sunday
10:17 pm

Hey
I was just going through the last few entries. And the fact that I hadn’t even mentioned a thing about the beautiful experience I had had in another land, the lovely people I had met there is just disappointing. It seems like a dream now. Well, at least it was a nice dream. A dream I won’t forget anytime soon. It might fade away into memories, get lost behind with time.. but I would always carry a piece of it with me.

Anyway, back to the supposed problems of my life. I slept in the evening today and yesterday. For quite a bit. It’s like I’m falling into the same pattern again. It’s like a downward spiral. ”
I really don’t know. Same thing all over again
Didn’t study yesterday. Didn’t study today. Not even on Friday. What am I even doing with my freaking life

quotidian

19 April 2018
11:14 pm

I’m sleepy.
Idk but today sometime in the evening I had this feeling that *the one* would soon come into my life (as cliched as it sounds, yes)
and yes, I am indeed sleepy atm.

I feel alright atm, not the way I felt when I wrote what I wrote on 12 April.
Bye bye
goodnight

_________________________________________________________

fckin whatever

12 April 2018
1:31 pm

I’m tired. Maybe, tired of this life. I am tired of the mean people.
Not tired of this life but just some sucky people. Selfish assholes. Okay, being selfish is alright I guess. Everyone has to be selfish in this world to survive. But don’t fckin be a selfish asshole.
I really don’t know.. are some people inherently like that. Just not nice.

I’m not myself (it’s a song btw)

13 October, Friday
11:06 pm

Hey
Last night, I found some long lost songs. Oh how good it felt to hear them again. Listening to some music rn too. Music is my.. haven (?).. refuge, yes. It’s a safe place.
Well, I think I’ll get going. I wanted to talk a bit. About my life and other things. But idk, seems like it has sorta vapourised.
Okay, remember, don’t go there again. Alright. It gets you nowhere. *deep breath*
You’re fine.

Okay then
Will talk to you later
About the mess and how it can be sorted. Bit by bit.
see ya ❤

eh

21 September, Thursday
2:06 pm

Anyway, it’s 2:37 pm.
Eh
So, have a little cousin over. Kids. Ask so many questions. And I’ve noticed he gets bored v v easily. Short attention span.

So, over to my life. Since quite some time, I’ve been saying that it’s a mess. It seems so. Maybe, it truly is. I need to take a broom and declutter it.

I’m doing masters. In technology. In a subject I don’t like the least bit. From the same college I did my bachelors from. I hate every minute of it. Maybe hate’s too strong a word. But I just don’t like it, not even the least bit.

Idk, it just feels like I’m in a suspended state. Lost. Adrift.
what should I do?

should I let things happen or should I make things happen?
should I swim towards the shore or should I let the waves take me wherever?

you know, I’ve been sleeping in the afternoons more, more than usual. that’s what happens when I’m feeling down. so, it happens when I’m not engaged in something meaningful, or just busy with something. like, I won’t have time to feel sad or whatever it is that  I feel when I have exams going on. it’s anxiety and looming darkness what I feel before and during exams.

I feel like I should just write you know pen and paper kind, see you soon then
love ya ❤