Day after day

11 August, Friday
9:06 pm

Hey
So, idk what’s happening. Actually, I do know. I’m procrastinating. Big time. Now, I’ve been watching ‘She was pretty'(a South Korean tv series) since morning. Since I woke up. At 8:30-9.
Ahh, okay. Calm down. And I’ve gained a few kilos, again. Goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay, so someone I know (sort of), got into something he had always desired. Wow. He just kept on and on and on. And he got through. I’m still.. wow. After so many attempts.

It’s 10:15 now. Was having dinner.
Anyway, getting a job is the best bet for me. I just can’t stay at home and prepare for something (an exam), because I procrastinate a lot.. and usually end up doing last minute preparations. Aishhhhh (something like what they say in those korean serials)

Okay. Bbye

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8 August, Tuesday
8:43 pm

It’s seems like day after day after day.
I know, I’m not supposed to be like this.

You know, I’m on episode 8 of The Handmaid’s Tale.. been watching it since afternoon. I have an exam on 21st. Ha. And I’ve already given up.
_________________________________________________________

I feel weird

6 July, Thursday
9:50 pm

My life. Ha.

Meanwhile watching ‘A Silent Voice’.
*after sometime* crying and crying.. Shokoooo

The movie ended :’)

People. Happiness. People

You know, when I started writing this post I had some other thing in mind. But.. yeah I was watching this movie. Engrossing.

What will you do? What are you doing with your life? Just wth are you fuckin’ doing?
Hmmm. Directionless. Can’t just get down to doing one thing, can you? What will you do? What are you doing?

I don’t know where from and how should I start? What is it even that I should start? That I should be doing?

And after coming back from the class, I didn’t even open my book. And as for the exam (that could lead to a potential job) next month, I’ve just given up. I just give up so easily always, don’t I?

I used to be really bad at studies till 4th standard. Started improving in 5th. The graph went upward from then. Performed well, really well in 10th. Then didn’t study much. Even in the final year, whose result is supposed to be really important to get admission, and even otherwise, it’s like a landmark sort of thing in your life. Well, I didn’t study much and scored alright, not extremely well.

Then in university first year, didn’t do all that well. Second year onward, once again, the graph was upward. When I look back now, I didn’t really make much memories. Time just went by.

And right now, well, time’s passing by right now too. But am I really moving forward?

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I’ll ttyl
See ya
(oh and btw it’s past midnight)

 

It feels empty, idk maybe

25 May, Thursday
10:25 pm

Um.. so, yeah college ended. I’m okay. Not sad. Not particularly happy. But it just feels empty, well sorta. And very very tired.

You know, I’ve realised one thing, people just click. You really can’t force friendships. Nuh uh. They just happen. It’s spontaneous. Or is it?

You really can’t make people fall in love with you too. If it has to happen, it will.. is that how it is so?
I do think a lot. About random innocuous stuff.

I had quite a few things going through my head, earlier in the day. But nothing much now.

___________________________________________

and it’s 26 May, 11:40 pm

anyway, yes, I wanted to talk about the remembering stuff, remember? 😛

I don’t remember it all. I think I’ve been forgetting it, day by day. What’s already happened, I remember little.

It’s a scary thought. I don’t remember what others do. It’s like it never happened, but it did.

Okay, I’ll talk about it later.
Just that

See ya 😀

It’s okay

28 March, Tuesday
7:45 pm

Tbh I’m feeling depressed (can one feel depressed or is it that one is depressed). Um.. I’m just sad, and I feel (/it feels) empty. Okay, now I’m crying (not full on, but just tears in my eyes, silent crying (?)).
I’m fine. Sigh

I feel sad when you know, people don’t reciprocate the same way. I know, I shouldn’t have expectations but I just can’t help it. It’s like something inbuilt. Silly me. Have no expectations from anyone anymore, okay, understood? (I’m talking to myself. Yup)

I don’t feel restless now. I feel tired. Despite not doing anything strenuous.
Deep breath

College ends soon. I’m happy. Others are worried that it’ll be a new life, there’s uncertainty to it blah blah. But I’m cool. Despite the fact that I don’t have a job yet. But I’m cool. It’ll all be alright. Yep. I’m positive about it.
I won’t go mad.

Having a job is crucial. It gives you some purpose in life. Even though it might be mechanical and mundane but better than having nothing to do.

Listening to random songs. With no lyrics.
I’ll get going now.

See ya
Love ya ❤

PS: Thank you for everything 🙂

A day

20 March, Monday
16:00

Hey

Lately, I don’t feel like writing much in my diary (the real physical diary). You know, my diary, it won’t really have the facts and details.. um it’s more of feelings. Whatever it was going through my mind at that moment. It’s just stuff from here and there. Nothing solid, not very substantial. Ha

Anyway, I didn’t go to college today. Mhmm. I’m listening to Thinking ’bout you. Nice song.

I love doggies. Yep.

I guess that’s it. Btw classes on sat and sun. They went fine.

I don’t give a eff anymore. I think. About others. Because, frankly speaking, why should i? When I didn’t exist for them, Idc anymore ’bout them.
I don’t want to give a eff about those unfeeling creatures (who’re human beings). Bleh. Enough silly talk

Let’s talk about something else

So, the history class, two hours passed and I didn’t even feel it. Which is good.

I’m 55 now btw. Just 5 more kilos to go. And I’ll be happy with my weight. Ha ha. Well, I want to look good on farewell. Bleh

Such stupid stuff. I’ll go now.

Thanks for everything ❤
Truly
Lots of love

Be someone else

12 March, Sunday
10:20 pm

I have such random titles, right? Usually it’s the first thing off my head.

So, I’ve at least gotten somethings off the list (not that I had a list in the first place, just saying). Updated my linkedin profile. Shortened my resume to a single page.

Oh! And I saw a cute movie tonight. Yeah.

Hey. What would I make of this life?

So, rn I’m listening to a podcast. Yep. The mysteries in this universe (hidden the name of the podcast in the sentence).

Alright. So, moving forward. The only thing I can do in life.
You know, it’s a little uncertain atm. The getting a job part. Well.. and I have nothing to say.

Anyway, is it possible to have a crush on a random stranger? I think I do, or maybe not. No, I don’t. It’s just that the guy is really really smart. Like really smart. And I find that attractive, I think. It’s what’s in your head, who you really are.

I do hope that I marry a smart and kind guy. I think I will. Because it’s someone I’d spend my entire life with. Share every waking (sleeping) moment with.
So, I really am dreamy, aren’t I?
One of my friends said so, in some similar guy context. That I’d find the one *batting eyelashes* my one true love.

Sheesh. Such mushy talk. Guess I can’t help it, can I? Bleh

I just wanted to talk, and here I am saying anything and everything that comes to my mind. It’s all random until it gets a direction.

I think I can’t really decide which direction should I walk in.

I’ll go ab. I can’t talk anymore. I feel very tired.

See you
Lots of love and happiness ❤
Stay strange (the good kind)

Who am I?

5 March, Sunday
10:30 pm

Hey

Today was tiring. I reached home by 8. Of course, my parents came to pick me up. Love ya.

You know, it’s not so easy clearing the exam. It requires lots and lots of hard work. And discipline. Well, tbh I got a little scared. Um, about the getting through part. But, anyway, let’s not think about it. One step at a time. Let’s just enjoy those subjects, for now.

Okay, somewhere during the lectures today, the prof said something that made me thinking about this. Who am I? What makes me ‘me’?
Is it what all I’ve done in my life, my achievements?
Or my characteristics? My personality?

Oh, yeah now I remember, he was saying what would we write if we had to write an essay on ourselves. Like you write an essay or even just a para on ‘yourself’. And then I started thinking how much do I really know myself. Do I really know myself?
You know, one of reasons, I think, why I won’t be marrying anytime soon. Well, I anyway wouldn’t have, because I’m still such a kid. But, yeah, I first need to know myself, only then it’ll happen, whatever has to (happen).

Also, I think I’ll just crash now. I’m exhausted. I’ll work on the college project tomorrow.

The people there, the teachers and everyone, they seemed really nice. Like good people.

Alright then
Goodnight
Sweet dreams ❤

Lots of love!

P.S: Thank you for everything 🙂