15 November, Wednesday
Just finished watching the Truman Show on tv. Yep, on television itself.
So, yeah. Cramps. I feel messy (?) and just not well overall. Weird.
You know, I just feel like I’ve been being hit with the same pattern. It’s the same or similar situation I’m stuck in rn, I’ve been in similar situations before ~ 12th, 1st year and now. It’s a freaking ongoing pattern. When the eff would it end?
I know, action has consequences but so does inaction. And the fate that I’m suffering (?) or maybe just this fate, it is bc of inaction. You know, in final year when I wasn’t getting placed, I thought ‘yeah, you wouldn’t let me have it so easy, you want me to struggle, to wait for it’; even after 12th it wasn’t that I got my college in the first go, it was in the second or the third counselling ,I think; and then even when I did get the job, when I finally got placed, somehow I ended up not joining it.. just wtf
Why is this happening? Get a job, work, do mba maybe.. things would have been on effing track; Why derail it?
And now it seems like I’m in a suspended state.
See, even when I went back to college, I did write (in the notes on my phone) that all this feels unreal.. that it’d be soon over, that it’s all temporary. And it did get over. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was tormenting myself by continuing. Anyway, that’s all over. Thank god.
I feel complacent, smug with the way things are rn; which isn’t good at all. I shouldn’t be content. Time waits for none. I might just get left behind and time would whoosh past me.
What’ll it be? Where will I end up? Eff it all
I have no effing clue, what will become of my life!
I’m not even applying anywhere bc I low key don’t want to face an interview. I just don’t want to do anything anymore, do I?
Okay, soon everything would be fine. And I’d soon write about good things.
One good thing. I made a nice cup of coffee last night. And I have warm clothes to wear in this cold weather. Thank you.
Yeah. Just bye bye