what a show

15 November, Wednesday
2:57 am

Hi
Just finished watching the Truman Show on tv. Yep, on television itself.

So, yeah. Cramps. I feel messy (?) and just not well overall. Weird.
You know, I just feel like I’ve been being hit with the same pattern. It’s the same or similar situation I’m stuck in rn, I’ve been in similar situations before ~ 12th, 1st year and now. It’s a freaking ongoing pattern. When the eff would it end?

I know, action has consequences but so does inaction. And the fate that I’m suffering (?) or maybe just this fate, it is bc of inaction. You know, in final year when I wasn’t getting placed, I thought ‘yeah, you wouldn’t let me have it so easy, you want me to struggle, to wait for it’; even after 12th it wasn’t that I got my college in the first go, it was in the second or the third counselling ,I think; and then even when I did get the job, when I finally got placed, somehow I ended up not joining it.. just wtf
Why is this happening? Get a job, work, do mba maybe.. things would have been on effing track; Why derail it?

And now it seems like I’m in a suspended state.
See, even when I went back to college, I did write (in the notes on my phone) that all this feels unreal.. that it’d be soon over, that it’s all temporary. And it did get over. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was tormenting myself by continuing. Anyway, that’s all over. Thank god.

I feel complacent, smug with the way things are rn; which isn’t good at all. I shouldn’t be content. Time waits for none. I might just get left behind and time would whoosh past me.

What’ll it be? Where will I end up? Eff it all
I have no effing clue, what will become of my life!

I’m not even applying anywhere bc I low key don’t want to face an interview. I just don’t want to do anything anymore, do I?

Okay, soon everything would be fine. And I’d soon write about good things.
One good thing. I made a nice cup of coffee last night. And I have warm clothes to wear in this cold weather. Thank you.

Yeah. Just bye bye

 

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A meh day

24 August, Thursday
11:50 pm

You know, now I think I’ve reached this point that when people don’t reply to texts, I am not bothered. It just happened now. And my attitude is eff it all. I don’t care.

*deep breath*
Anyway, just a thought – more than about making deep meaningful conversations, is it about flattering and networking with people?
Now, I think it is. People like flattery and small talk, do they?

I guess some ties and connections, they justget old and wither away. Not everyone gets to be a part of your story, long term. Some are just visitors. Like crossroads, I think. Touch and go.
It’s 1:11 am btw. Looking up topics for technical report writing.
Okay, so now I’ve looked through a few topics.

I’ll sleep now.
Goodnight

P.S: To whomsoever it may concern, make things right in my life, make me a better  person. See ya

A day

20 March, Monday
16:00

Hey

Lately, I don’t feel like writing much in my diary (the real physical diary). You know, my diary, it won’t really have the facts and details.. um it’s more of feelings. Whatever it was going through my mind at that moment. It’s just stuff from here and there. Nothing solid, not very substantial. Ha

Anyway, I didn’t go to college today. Mhmm. I’m listening to Thinking ’bout you. Nice song.

I love doggies. Yep.

I guess that’s it. Btw classes on sat and sun. They went fine.

I don’t give a eff anymore. I think. About others. Because, frankly speaking, why should i? When I didn’t exist for them, Idc anymore ’bout them.
I don’t want to give a eff about those unfeeling creatures (who’re human beings). Bleh. Enough silly talk

Let’s talk about something else

So, the history class, two hours passed and I didn’t even feel it. Which is good.

I’m 55 now btw. Just 5 more kilos to go. And I’ll be happy with my weight. Ha ha. Well, I want to look good on farewell. Bleh

Such stupid stuff. I’ll go now.

Thanks for everything ❤
Truly
Lots of love

Anyone there?

12 October, Wednesday
9:45 am

This is just the stuff I wrote down last time but never posted.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
7 October, Friday
10:20 pm

Yeah. It’s 12:25 am, the next day. Sigh

I’m not sad. Maybe. But I ain’t hapy either.

It’s 1:04 am now. Am I sleepy? Maybe. A little. I’m hungry too
_______________________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, getting back to today.
I have to take a bath. So, brb.

I’m back. 10:30 am
Washed my hair too. I write random shizz here, don’t I. It’s just um.. this place is like my personal space. My thoughts, pure and unbridled, bundled away. Ah

I had a lot on my mind, a few days ago. But, right now, when I’ve sat down to write (type out) everything, no words come to my mind. Strange.

Yeah. It was part about placements, part about life (how I’ve never and maybe never could (/can) be like those popular queen bee type girls, not that I want to be), part random fleeting thoughts. Eh.

Oh. Btw we decorated our room with fairy lights. It looks so quiet and peaceful. Little white lights, unblinking. Such little things give such happiness. It changed the whole look of our room.

It’s 1:13 pm. Yeah.

So, Universe, I know you’re on my side. Always have been. I’m just a late bloomer, I reckon. It has always been so, at least. I look okay now. Prettier (if I may). Earlier, like a few years ago in school, I didn’t. I sported a weird haircut, which changed every year. I remember once, I cut it so short, I looked like a boy. Ugh. Now, I have long flowing locks. Touchwood. Anyway, all this doesn’t really matter. How one looks. Or, maybe it does. Science says attractive counterparts earn more. Looks, huh?

I want to have a bikini body, you see. Maybe if a just lose a few kilo. Five, I think. It’d be great.

It’s 2:30 pm

So much drama. I don’t like fake and pretentious people. f those aholes. I won’t call them to my wedding. Huff. Maybe I’d have to though. Anyway.

Universe, get me placed in a really good company. Soon. Yay!

I want to earn and spread happiness. Clichéd much?

Idk why did I talk about having a bikini body. Sigh.
It’s fine. I’ll ttyl

Good day
Ta ta

oh universe

29 June, Wednesday
12:30 am

Okay, so I just finished watching ‘White Christmas – Black Mirror’. Gosh. I have no words. It was sad. Really sad. The end was dreadful. Absolutely. Blocked. That too, by everyone. Sh*t.

Mhmm.
Anyway.

There was smething I had written Monday, but it stored in the drafts.
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I’m a confused soul, you know. Not something I’m proud of. Sigh. It’s exhausting actually.

So, it’s been one month (almost) since exams got over. Is it possible to feel clueyness for oneself? eh I’m just beng weird.

Right, so one month, and I had thought of so many things to do. I just need to sort to out my life. You know, like put iron, fold your clothes and put them properly into shelves. Yeah, something like that.
**********************************************************************************

Yeah, so that’s me^
eh, the old me, the me me
sigh

Maybe, I’m just ranting. I need to rant and get it out of my system, perhaps.
Right, anyway, get hold of yourself. Piece your freaking life together. Yeah. You need to, I need to. Hold it together. Get your sh*t together forgodssake.

  • Okay, so sleep peacefully. I’ll sort out the internship project today. Yes, I will. Today itself. Go to the plant tomorrow and take the observations needed and wrap up the project this week (hopefully) itself.
  • What else? Yeah, solve quantative and aptitude numericals.
  • Exercise! 20 situps repetitions. You know why. I know why. I need to be fit if I want to get in. Enrolled. Pay check yada yada
  • Just be more confident, in general.

I think that’s all for all.

See ya! 🙂